I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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