You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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