This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
