Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
