Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
