i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
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