My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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