watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
