On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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