I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
