I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
