I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
