exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
My life is pants optional.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
