I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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