Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
