and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
