how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
