my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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