have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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