Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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