none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
