I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
