Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
