Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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