It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
