Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
