I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
