On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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