upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
