yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
