hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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