just survived the first fart of the relationship.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
