Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
