So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
