Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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