I got chris browned last night
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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