Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
