I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
