so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
