This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
