There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
