we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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