East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
