Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
