you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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