I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
FUCK WHALES
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