just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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