You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
