lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
