I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
