your thong is hanging out like whoa
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
