A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
This beer is not sobering me up at all
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Randomize
